Two months from today

This is another post about teeth and surgery. I'm going to be explaining exactly what my surgeon will do, so if you're squeamish, skip it.

I can't sleep, which means I still think it's Sunday, May 8th (Happy Mother's Day!). So I'm thinking about what I'm going to be doing two months from today, on July 8th.

I'm going to be going to the hospital where my wonderful surgeon is going to make my orthodontist like my teeth for the first time in my life.

You know what I said when I met my surgeon the first time? I think I was in middle school and the surgeon asked me if I knew why I was there. I very cleverly told him, "Dr. H doesn't like my teeth."

I previously explained that I have an under bite where basically the space my lower teeth wrap around is bigger than my upper teeth (like, my teeth are in concentric bite shaped circles...). Like I said, originally it wasn't so obvious from the front, it was more like my lower jaw was just wider, but with my braces they pulled my lower teeth forward, so it's under bite all the way around.

So my surgery is in two months.

I've gone back and forth about a gajillion times whether I want to be wired shut for six weeks or have plates and screws. There's a tiny risk of nerve damage with the latter, and no risk of nerve damage for the former. With the latter, I'll know as soon as I wake up from the anesthesia whether the surgery was successful. With the former, I won't know till they unwire me.

But that's not what I'm using to make this decision.

The last time I saw the surgeon, he reminded me and my parents of our choices. As we were leaving the hospital, we were discussing it. My parents both agreed that they wouldn't be able to deal with being wired shut for six weeks, they'd feel claustrophobic in their own heads.

Suddenly, two thoughts came to my mind.

Thought #1: I love to ski. I haven't actually skied since 8th grade because I got busy in high school, but I was really good in middle school. At one point in maybe 6th grade, I decided to try snow boarding.

It completely freaked me out. I had both feet attached to the same thing. I couldn't handle it.

In the car, I suddenly realized it might be like that, only my head instead of my feet. My head's a lot more important than my feet. It'd be talking instead of walking that I wouldn't be able to do properly. Not a pleasant thought.

Thought #2: At some point when I was little, I would imagine anywhere between ages 5 and 8, my father read The Three Musketeers and The Man in the Iron Mask to us. After this, we rented the movies. I don't remember anything about The Three Musketeers movie, which makes me think I might be imagining having rented it, but I do remember some scenes from The Man in the Iron Mask very very vividly.

Mainly, I remember the last scene. The king, who turned out to actually be the younger twin and therefore not the legitimate king, has been put in the iron mask he previously made his brother wear because he is evil and knew his brother had the more legitimate claim and was afraid someone would find out. You just see him thrashing around this room that he's clearly locked into. There's been this decree that no one is to speak to him or be spoken to by him or anything for the rest of his life and he gets his food through a little cat flap on the door and he has this iron thing on his head. It looks like a knight's helmet.

Except he can't take it off. He's completely trapped inside it and when you throw in that he's trapped in this room completely alone until he dies with no human contact whatsoever, you have to imagine that he's going to wind up trapped inside his head and going crazy.

I don't know why I watched this movie when I was little. My parents were pretty good about making sure the things we watched were age appropriate, and to be fair, it's not like this movie ever gave me nightmares.

But I think that's because it never occurred to me that there could be any kind of equivalent in my own life.

Driving out of that parking garage listening to my parents talk about being claustrophobic in their own heads, I realized I would feel like I was reenacting that last scene for the whole 6 weeks.

Hell no, I thought to myself. I'm getting plates and screws.

So, with the method decided on, the next step is the actually surgery.

This is the part you don't want to read if you're squeamish about surgery.

Basically, the goal is to widen my upper jaw and bring my lower jaw back and to the side slightly (because as if my face isn't screwed up enough, it's crooked... I'm kidding. From the outside, my face is fine. Although I can tell my lower jaw is crooked, and I can see how it's made the rest of my face slightly crooked. Moving on.).

To do this, they're basically going to slit my upper palette and put in a permanent palette expander. BTW no matter what I had decided about plates and screws or wires, I would have wound up with plates and screws on the top.

Then they're going to cut into my lower jaw. I'm not exactly sure where. I know one of the cuts is going to go through the very back lower right of my mouth because that's where the wisdom tooth they had to take out for the surgery was. Other than that, I just know they're gonna cut into my bones and pull my jaw back and to the side.

Then they put a bunch of metal in and screw it all together.

And voilá. Perfect teeth.

Then I spend two nights or so in the hospital. Which honestly is making me somewhat nervous.

I've never spent a single night in the hospital. When I got my wisdom teeth out is the first time I've gone to a hospital for something more than a consult or getting blood work done, unless you count when I was born, which I don't.

And of course, I'm 19 which means I'm not a kid. Maybe it sounds childish, but I'm praying they'll let me have my parents there when they knock me out and wake me up. I mean, they're doing stuff with my mouth and teeth and jaw. Considering my extreme lack of hospital experience, I think I deserve my parents there....

PS I'm just gonna point out that I have an older sister who broke her leg at 18 months, and two brothers who have each gotten stitches and various other bloody things that got taken care of in the emergency room.

They all had parents around for their hospital treatment!! Well, except for the times when they were staying with friends or on biking trips or whatever. But they still had someone with them for all this stuff....

Window shopping online is depressing

I've done this both with shoes and vacation spots. It's all depressing.

See, first I went and added about a million shoes to my Zappos wishlist. A lot of fantastically cute shoes that I can totally see Ginger Rogers dancing in. Or maybe Rose Marie wearing in the Dick Van Dyke Show. Seriously, has anyone ever noticed how fabulous her shoes are?? Mary Tyler Moore is always just in pumps. Rose Marie has fantastic shoes.

Anyway. So then I was all, let's plan a dream vacation on Expedia! But I couldn't make the website do what I wanted. I kept thinking it was actually gonna book me and I didn't really want that.

But just now I was reading [The Customer Is] Not Always Right and there's a lot of posts there from people in New Zealand, and a lot of time they talk about the Maori people. Being the occasionally naive American (I always forget that Australia and New Zealand were populated before the Brits started sending convicts there....), I was intrigued (hey, that shows my naivete is only occasional. I admit that I don't know everything and I try to learn. See? Really naive Americans either don't realize there's anything beyond our borders or think everything outside our borders is actually within our borders....). Wanting to know more about the Maori, I went to my favorite "won't teach you anything but will give you a little context/background for it" source: Wikipedia.

Wikipedia explained that the Maori were Polynesians who went to a different part of the South Pacific. I'm not sure if they left the Hawaii area or got separated from the ones who wound up in Hawaii. Either way, besides a lot of evolution, their culture is closest to Hawaiian/Polynesian type cultures.

Well, this reminded me of the Polynesian Resort in Disney World, which is where we used to stay. When I was little, my family went to Disney World pretty much every year during Christmas vacation (actually, I have no idea how often it was. I remember a lot of things as being every year that actually were a lot more occasional.... Or like how I remember my "uncle" Scotty [surrogate uncle. Mom's college friend. Practically full time babysitter. At least in my memory.] picking me up from kindergarten every day. My mother tells me it was more like once a week.) and while I'm sure we didn't always stay there, I don't remember staying anywhere else.

Anyway, I've always thought that when I discover some way to fund a trip to Disney World (yeah right), that's where I wanna stay.

So not gonna happen. During the "value season" the cheapest room is $385. And it doesn't look like that even includes continental breakfast, which means 3 meals a day on top of that, plus park admission, plus any kind of nightlife stuff (my parents used to go to the Adventurers Club and occasionally take us... That was awesome...)...

So I'm thinking when I go and take a vacation sans parents, it'll have to be to Vegas. You can stay in The Venetian, which is a far from lousy hotel, for $149. Plus in Vegas there's always the chance of coming out on top...

Although considering all you can do at 19 is scratch tickets, I'm not expecting much right now. But I do have a 21st birthday in a year and a half and it's never too early to start planning....

And no, I don't just wanna stay at the Venetian because that's where Phantom is. Added bonus.

'Course the downside to all this is my 21st birthday is gonna be a Wednesday, probably the first week back to class second semester. And going three hours west (time zone wise) is not really a great idea for a weekend. I mean, if you're gonna mess with your sleep, you might as well be gone long enough for it to make a difference.

Which means my 21st birthday trip (pardon me. 21st birthday DREAM trip.... Well, sort of dream. Is it bad that a part of me would rather Disney than Vegas for my 21st birthday?) won't be able to happen properly till March when I'll have a vacation....

'Course this is assuming I somehow have the means to go to Vegas. Or Orlando. Which honestly is unlikely.

See? This is the problem with online window shopping!!! I wind up thinking things through too much and being like, hey! I could do that! If I weren't in college and had a really awesome job with a really good salary that gave me really long weekends......

So, the moral of the story is: anyone wanna go to Disney World with me and front the cash for an epically fabulous hotel?? Oooh, and we should totally go to a character breakfast. I don't care where it is, they have them in the Polynesian and the Grand Floridian (well, ok, they did 10 years ago. I assume they still do.) and they have character lunches (maybe other meals too... I dunno...) in Cinderella's Castle. Which is where Peter Pan offered to teach me to fly when I was, like, 4. I don't actually remember that. Although I do remember him sitting on the back of a chair.

Sigh. Someday I'll be rich and famous and be able to spend two weeks in a super fantastic room at the Polynesian. Maybe.

That's the goal, anyway.

Alright, Light....

Look, Light.

We've been living together since August. I know for the first few months I didn't notice your noise, but is getting louder really necessary?

I already threatened you. What more can I do?

All you have to do is not drive me crazy for another five days. It shouldn't be that hard.

I'm begging you. You give me such a head ache.

Did you always do that, or did you only start when the boyfriend came to visit in November?

I never noticed until he pointed it out. Did you decide you didn't like having visitors and start yelling at us or something?

Because, if that was true, we had a guest in September. So seriously? What did you have against Dom?

I'm begging you. I'm studying. I like bright lights when they don't DRIVE ME INSANE.

Please just shut up.

You don't bother Karuna, so sing and dance and have your little party up there all you like.

JUST WAIT TILL I LEAVE.

Ok. Thanks.

Hyperbole and a Half

Allie, the girl from Hyperbole and a Half, is writing a book!!!

I'm super dooper crazy excited 'cause she's super doober funny.

When I was home for winter break, I introduced my youngest brother to her blog and we spent, like, three days with me reading old posts outloud to him.

Anyway, if you go check out her most recent post, it's really funny. It's all ways to think of the time between now and fall 2012 that make it seem slightly less far away.

PS I know you're wondering why I put a link to the most recent post when the original link to her blog would do just as well. Well the answer to that is that I've finally mastered the art of hyperlinks and I wanted to show off.

PPS This is making me think I should make a list of all the books, past, present, and future, I want. So keep your eyes open for either a post on it or a new page with a list that maybe I'll update periodically.

Oooh... That sounds like an excellent procrastination tactic. I need to take my 19th century European history exam tomorrow. So yeah. Definitely making a list of books I want.

Like Yoda Talking Am I

Better this will be in a Yoda/Kermit voice.

Like Yoda Talk Day today is. Like Yoda talks this post will be. And at the encouragement of my lovely roommate it is.

Little I have to say, unfortunately.

But never has that before stopped me from speaking. So speak I shall.

Very good movies Star Wars is. Better are the original three, though. Since as long as can I remember those three my parents have had on tape.

When Episode 6 I watch, the blue Jedi-Anakin at the funeral the man who wore the Darth Vader suit is.

Not until I was 16 young Anakin from Episodes 2 and 3 at the funeral did I see.

To the original movies one downside there is: Ewan McGregor. A gorgeous man he is. Or maybe better it is. Practically monks are Jedis, so maybe a waste is Ewan McGregor.

But in Moulin Rouge wonderful is he!!!! Sings so wonderfully he does!

Ok.

Pushing this a little too far, maybe I am.

Write like this on my finals I hope I do not.

May the Fourth be with you!

Procrastination

(sung to the tune of "Celebration." With apologies to Kool & the Gang.)

Yahoo! This is your procrastination
Yahoo! This is your procrastination

Procrastinate good times, come on! (Let's procrastinate)
Procrastinate good times, come on! (Let's procrastinate)

There's a party goin' on right here
Procrastination to last throughout the year
Don't bring your homework! Forget your papers too
We gonna procrastinate and party with you

Come on now

Procrastination
Let's all procrastinate and have a good time
Procrastination
We gonna procrastinate and have a good time

It's time to come together
It's up to you, what's your pleasure

Everyone around the world
Come on!

Yahoo! It's a procrastination
Yahoo!

Procrastinate good times, come on!
It's a procrastination
Procrastinate good times, come on!
Let's procrastinate

We're gonna have a good time tonight
Let's procrastinate, it's all right
We're gonna have a good time tonight
Let's procrastinate, it's all right

Baby...

We're gonna have a good time tonight (Procrastination)
Let's procrastinate, it's all right
We're gonna have a good time tonight (Procrastination)
Let's procrastinate, it's all right

Yahoo!
Yahoo!

Procrastinate good times, come on! (Let's procrastinate)
Procrastinate good times, come on!
It's a procrastination!
Procrastinate good times, come on! (Let's procrastinate)

Come on and procrastinate, good times, tonight (Procrastinate good times, come on!)
'Cause everything's gonna be all right
Let's procrastinate (Procrastinate good times, come on)
(Let's procrastinate)...

Did I mention that finals start tomorrow?

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad

Twenty three years ago today, my mother walked down the aisle to the March of the Siamese Children from Rogers and Hammersteins "The King and I" (my obsession with musicals starts in an earlier generation than myself...).

Obviously, I wasn't there, so I can't tell you much about the wedding, but I do know that, thanks to a problem with the flower girl's flowers, there was a delay in starting the procession so my mom wound up coming in when the music gets all big and exciting for the Crown Prince.

And I know my aunt say Erica Levine by Bob Blue.

My parents met in a kind of funny way. They met on a play flying from Newark to Boston. They were sitting on either side of the aisle and my mother pointed out that one of my father's socks was inside out (And I will now point out that my father constantly wears socks inside out. It drives me crazy).

They got to chatting and discovered that they had some mutual friends and apparently had been invited to the same wedding (Dad went. Mom didn't).

And when they got back to Boston, Daddy drove Mom home (seriously, Mom? You're not supposed to let strangers drive you home... Just saying... I mean, I only let Dad drive me home from the airport 'cause he's, you know, my father....).

And a couple years later, on May 1st, 1988, they got married.

They had a daughter in January 1990 and then an even more fantastic daughter in January 1992 (she wound up going to Bryn Mawr College. She's super dooper crazy cool. Just saying). Then two sons a couple years later.

And now every time they drive past the Newark Airport, Mom plays Erica Levine.

If I take the train to get home, I always text "When Erica Levine was 7 and a half..." to my mother a little while before I get to Penn Station. Amtrak trains make a stop at the Newark Airport.

So in honor of my parents, visit their blogs: Colleen Stitches in Time and Abraham Fisher's blog.

And while you're at it, listen to Erica Levine. I don't really like this recording (plus it's by Bob Blue, not Frankie Armstrong. Frankie Armstrong just recorded it later.), but apparently it's all that exists online.