A letter to Lieutenant Joe Cable

Dear Joe,

You've got a great voice. Really, it's lovely. I've got one problem with it though.

The young romantic lead is supposed to be a tenor. Not a baritone. Not a bass. A tenor. When there's multiple male leads, you should be able to tell them apart by their range. Look at virtually every show on the planet, the romantic lead is a tenor. When there's more than one romantic lead, like you and Emil in South Pacific, the young one is a tenor and the old one is a baritone or bass. When there's multiple leads and some are romantic and some aren't, the romantic one is the tenor. Don't ask me why. It's just true. Look at Phantom of the Opera, multiple romantic male leads, like South Pacific. Raoul, the young guy, is a tenor. The Phantom, the old (well, older) guy is a baritone (ok, not so great example 'cause a lot of guys can play both. But the parts are written so Raoul pretty much always sings a bit higher....). Look at Les Mis. Three male leads, Marius, the romantic guy, is a tenor. Javert and Valjean are a) older and b) not romantic, they've got epically awesome baritone-y bass-y parts (since I've never actually had to worry about the difference between a bass and a baritone, being neither, I'm not really clear on what defines the two.... I just know a baritone doesn't go as low... I'm inclined to think it's like the difference between a mezzo and a soprano, but I have no idea....).

You're a young romantic dude. That means you don't get to sing low. I'm sorry. I know it's disappointing. But it's true. I know lower is cooler. Don't get me wrong, you sound awesome. You're the only young romantic male lead I've ever even remotely crushed on (I tend to be indifferent to tenors.... That is when I don't actively dislike them... I'm a sucker for a bass. I mean, Some Enchanted Evening? I'm in heaven. Virtually everything Javert sings? Awesome. But I totally zone out during everything Marius sings....). But you have no business singing so low. I used to never be able to remember if you or Emil sings Younger Than Springtime 'cause you sing it so damn low!!!!

Unfortunately, South Pacific is one of the shows that I've never seen on stage and I don't think I've ever even heard the recording of the stage version (apparently the whole world likes Mitzi Gaynor better than Mary Martin...), so I have no idea if this is your fault or Rodgers and Hammerstein's. I have a sneaking suspicion that it's either their fault or the idiot people casting in the '50s when all the R&H were filmed, since I seem to recall Lunta in the King and I being epically low as well (and also being pretty epic sounding in his lowness...). On the other hand, the Sound of Music gets it right. The Captain is on the lower end and whats-his-face (the one who winds up being a Nazi and has the hots for Liesel. Or is it Liesl?) being annoyingly high in that tenor-like way.

So I'm thinking it's the fault of whoever made the R&H movies about Asians, or at least who ever dealt with who sang what.

Or R&H just randomly decided in two of their shows they'd make the guys who really OUGHT to be tenors be baritones/basses.

Alright. I'm sorry. It was unfair of me to blame you. But you are an easy target. Remember, I'd totally avoid you if you sang higher..........

Sincerely, Wendy

This is the girl who has never seen a show on Broadway

If you have read more than, like, three of my posts, you know that I'm really into Broadway/West End shows. To quote my wonderful customs people (kind of like orientation leaders... Bryn Mawr is cooler than other schools so we call them customs people because they teach us the customs... At least, I think that's why we call them that... They have nothing to do with bringing things in and out of the country or passports, and that's the only other definition of "customs" I can think of, so I think I'm right...), I am a "Broadway aficionado."

So here's something interesting.

I've never seen a show on Broadway.

Actually, I've never even BEEN to New York. I've driven through. I've taken the train through. I've even hung out in Penn Station for half an hour waiting for the next train.

But until a year and a half ago, I'd never even SPOKEN in New York City. My dad had a quiet rule for driving through the city when I was little. I think the first time I broke this rule (unless you count the time one of my brothers and I were really into maps and we thought we were helping Dad navigate...) was when Dad and I went to visit Bryn Mawr the second time, in October 2009. It was just the two of us in the car and there wasn't any traffic, so Daddy didn't mind me talking.

I've seen plenty of shows. I've seen six shows in Boston: Peter Pan (check out this post to hear about it), the Boyfriend, Rent, Wicked, Rent (again), and A Chorus Line. Plus lots of Gilbert and Sullivan in some college theater (I think? I don't know exactly...) my grandparents used to take us to all the time. And I saw Les Miserablés at the North Shore Music Theater. And bunch of amateur, community theater, and school shows.

And I've seen things in London. The Woman in White, Mary Poppins (I didn't know it at the time, but I actually saw the original cast. Which is very exciting for me...), Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Wicked, and Phantom of the Opera (same post as Peter Pan above...).

That's a grand total of 11 professional performances (although only 9 shows) and plenty of nearly professional performances (North Shore is pretty close to being professional, I think. As was the Gilbert and Sullivan stuff.).

And I'm going to see West Side Story in Boston this summer.

But I've never seen anything in New York. Me. The girl who could perform nearly all of these shows by herself. I don't think I could do Mary Poppins or Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, and I might lose some lyrics in A Chorus Line, and I don't think I've been able to do Peter Pan in years (Although I could definitely still get the gist of most of the songs. I'll just swap verses and things...), but the rest of them?

I could perform all of them pretty much start to finish. And that includes switching between characters when multiple characters sing different parts simultaneously. Like, the end of Phantom when Christine, Raoul, and the Phantom are all singing together? I know all of Christine's and the Phantom's and most of Raoul's. And know all the best places to swap between them for the best effect.

So. My goal for college, besides the surviving and graduating thing, is to spend a night in New York and see something on Broadway. Preferably something I'm madly in love with. And it'd rock if any of my favorite actors are performing. Although I realize that the chances of seeing Richard Harris AND Julie Andrews in Camelot are less than nil.

It can't be that hard, can it? I mean, any time I go back and forth to school on the ground, whether train or car, I have to go through NYC. Surely at some point I can arrange it...

*Cough cough* *This is my hint to my parents that sometime we should take an extra day or two when you're driving me here/home and we should break the drive into two days and spend the extra evening in NYC. Just saying.*

*Wait. Is it too late to arrange that for the drive home in a week and a half? I mean, we were debating between Daddy coming down on Tuesday or Wednesday anyway... What's to stop us getting home Thursday??*

Ok. My oh so subtle suggestion to my parents is done now.