I got Rapiscammed

Maybe I better go back to the beginning of this story...

Thanksgiving 2010
You may recall that everyone was all up in arms about the new Rapiscan backscatter thingamobob last November and November 24th, the day before Thanksgiving, aka the biggest travel day of the year, was "opt out day." Like everyone else in the world, I was planning to fly home that day. I had the perfect plan.

Due to my teeth which my orthodontist doesn't like, I have had more X-Rays than I care to count. Actually, I doubt I COULD count them. Between that and the amount of flying I've done in my life (not a small amount, although it is not a particularly impressive amount...), I think I should probably not be exposed to more radiation that necessary. At this point, "necessary" is pretty generous, obviously I do still fly, and on Friday my orthodontist did another X-Ray.

But the backscatter, when functioning properly, is apparently the equivalent of a couple of minutes in flight. Especially now that I'm flying back and forth between Philadelphia and Boston a few times a semester, those couple of minutes may add up. And that's when functioning properly. It's not clear the TSA techs actually know how to work it and know when it's acting up... Which is very worrying...

So. My plan. A) I was very much in agreement with the sentiments of Opt Out Day and although I had zero desire to be felt up by a total stranger, I decided I'd prefer that than to be the one to screw up the boycott. B) I wanted to limit my radiation. That simple. I figured opting out made a lot of sense. I decided the extra radiation might cause some serious badness as opposed to the brief discomfort of a stranger groping me.

Between the delays my mother told me to anticipate thanks to OOD and the fact that the airport would probably be very very busy, I decided it would be good to get there early, so I arranged a very early ride to the airport from my lovely roommate's lovely father. And I do mean very early. My flight was shortly before 9pm. I arrived at security around 5:30. That's early even by my mother's standards.

So, there I am, boarding pass and license in hand, walking toward the line for security when I realize something.

There are approximately 5-10 people in line in front of me and not a single backscatter in sight.

That was really weird because I'd gone through that exact security a month or so before when I went home for fall break and I'd seen backscatters then. But I shrugged it off and moved through the line.

I'm not even kidding, I spent more time taking my belt and shoes off than I did in line...

I figured getting through security a good 3 hours before my flight meant the end of the Rapiscan story.

I was wrong.

The story continued on the way back to school at the end of spring break.

Once again, there was zippo line for security. Seriously, the lady checking tickets and licenses waited for me...

So there I am, unpacking my laptop and taking off my belt (and trying to keep my pants from falling down) and the TSA lady helping people with bins and things starts talking to me and the people behind me.

"Please make sure your pockets are completely empty. No tissues, coins, or anything. Please take off your belts. We are using *ramumblemumble* technology today. Your pockets must be completely empty. Please take off your watches."

I had no idea what the mumble was. I checked if I needed to take my bracelets off, fed my stuff onto the conveyer belt and looked at the lady to tell me where to go.

She ushered me into something that I suddenly realized was the dreaded Rapiscan thing.

"Oh crap." I think to myself. "She mumbled 'Rapiscan technology'! And now I can't even opt out!"

Swearing to myself, I put my hands over my head like they told me.

It was relatively painless and only lasted a few seconds, but I was still totally fuming.

After they let me step out of the machine, they told me to stand on one of those footprint mat things. This TSA guy mumbled something at me. I stared at him.

"Huh?"

He repeated it, barely louder and no more coherently.

I tried to politely ask for another iteration.

He wound up saying it 3 or 4 times. Eventually, I discovered he was telling me to stand on the mat for a few seconds. I dunno why they wanted me on the mat, but I think they tell everyone to stand on it for a few seconds after stepping out because they had the people behind me do it too.

Then this TSA lady comes up to me and tells me she's gonna pat down my hair. In retrospect, I think it was 'cause I had forgotten to take my hair clip out and that probably screwed up the picture the same way tissues in your pocket would. It hadn't occurred to me to take it out 'cause I HADN'T REALIZED I WAS GOING IN THE FREAKING BACKSCATTER.

Then she sent me on her way.

I'm not gonna lie, it was very very efficient.

But seriously? It really really worried me.

What if I had been pregnant? (My mother and grandparents and other similar people read this so I'm going to take this opportunity to tell you, no I'm not pregnant. Nor am I even worried about the possibility. THIS IS HYPOTHETICAL.) The TSA people didn't know I wasn't pregnant and hadn't told me that I was entering a machine that would blast me briefly with radiation. Technically, I'm sure it wouldn't have hurt since obviously I was about to fly (wow. I'm seriously confusing my hypotheticals here.... My point is, if you're going through security, you're about to get on a plane. Unless you're meeting an unaccompanied minor.........), but what if the machine was malfunctioning?

I've had enough X-Rays in my life to know that X-Ray technicians have to ask you EVERY SINGLE TIME you have one done whether or not you're pregnant. Although the lovely women at my orthodontist have kind of stopped asking me. Actually it's funny. They were really good about it for years and years. I'm pretty sure I remember them asking me when I was, like, 10. But since I was about 16 they've kind of slacked off. Huh.

Anyway. Back on topic.

Imagine I had been pregnant. I was not given the chance to keep my unborn child from being born with multiple heads or limbs. Or any other birth defects that can be caused from prepartum radiation.* I was not even WARNED. Only once was I told what kind of technology was being used and it was mumbled.

I'm still pissed. Sometime this week I'm going to write a very angry letter to the TSA. I understand their need to use this machine although I am under the impression that it won't do much good. From what I understand, if terrorists are at the point of dealing with security, there's nothing the guys with the X-Ray machines can do to stop them.

I'm not mad about the machine.

BUT SERIOUSLY, TSA, TRAIN YOUR FREAKING EMPLOYEES. People who work with people need to be able to ENUNCIATE and speak in such a way that the travelers don't feel they are being yelled at.

When I asked if my bracelets were a problem, the lady snapped at me.

Two of the three people I dealt with during my encounter with what I am now calling the Rapiscam spoke completely incoherently about vital information.

If you ask me, I should have been told, very briefly, exactly what I was about to be examined by. Maybe not explicitly told "you have the option to opt out" but at least given the chance to say that I was opting out.

Grrrrr.

I feel I have been scammed by the TSA. The term "Rape&Scam" crossed my mind, but I decided it wasn't invasive enough to warrant the full term. However, if I wind up opting out at some point in the future (which I probably will. Not only to decrease my radiation but also to be difficult to ill trained TSA workers. I know it's not necessarily their fault, but I'm still mad at them.) I may change my mind to calling that. From everything I've heard, it may be invasive enough.

When I have time and am not tired, I will recount more of my travels from Boston to Philadelphia. It was quite uneventful, but filled with the possibility of abduction.

At least, it was filled with the possibility of abduction if you watch a lot of Law and Order (esp. SVU). Which I do.

But it's a story for another time.

*Would you call something that happens before birth prepartum? That's my best guess.... Or would it be prenatal?